Those Phrases shared by A Dad That Saved Us during my time as a New Father

"I think I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the truth soon proved to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward statement "You aren't in a good spot. You need support. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more accustomed to discussing the pressure on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles new fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a larger reluctance to communicate between men, who still hold onto harmful ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a pause - spending a short trip away, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has changed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "bad choices" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your partner or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is coping.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their stories, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising you is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their issues, changed how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."